Chapter Text
September 23, 2021
“We broke up.”
Annabeth can barely breathe through her strained voice. She’s trying desperately to force back the tears, but it doesn’t work very well. Her eyes burn after hours of crying, and her vision feels foggy. It’s already been over twelve hours, but she can’t bring herself to take off his sweater she’d thrown on that morning. It would mark the end, and it would be official. She’s not ready for that.
The sleeves are damp after rubbing her skin raw in an attempt to dry her own tears that only seemed to fall faster with time. Still, it stays on.
The person on the other side of the phone shifts, and Annabeth can imagine them sitting up, alarmed.
“What do you mean you broke up?”
Annabeth laughs wetly and wipes her nose. “He broke up with me.”
The silence stretches. Annabeth crumples the fabric of the sweater in her palm before releasing it and doing it again. When she seeks out the time, the clock is blurry. It’s a few seconds later that her vision adjusts and she realizes it’s past one in the morning.
“Percy broke up with you?”
Annabeth whimpers and chokes back a sob. “Piper. I don’t know what to do.”
Annabeth is usually prepared. It’s not like her to not know what to do, but then again, she never expected this to happen.
It’s naive to think that she’d spend the rest of her life with one person. She would’ve laughed in her own face years ago, but it had been different when she was actually with him. It felt like it would last forever, and she’d genuinely believed it. She feels like a child discovering the harsh reality of life.
“Did he say what happened?”
“Yeah, he…” Annabeth wipes her nose again, and her skin screams for her to stop. “He said it was because I didn’t tell him about when I turned down that internship last month.”
“Oh, Annabeth. I’m so sorry.”
“I thought we were going to get married,” Annabeth chokes out. “I’m so f*cking stupid.”
“No, sweetheart, you’re not. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“He was fine. He kissed me goodmorning, and he told me he loved me, and then…I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“Did he say anything else?”
“He did.”
She doesn’t really want to talk about it though.
You’re giving up everything for something that was never made to last.
“He said that we were never made to last. This entire time, he didn’t think that we would stay together, and—why would he stay with me and make promises he never intended to keep?”
Annabeth can hear Piper’s breathing over the line. It’s muffled, almost like the phone is being pressed into a pillow, and she suddenly becomes conscious of the time. It had passed in the blink of an eye. She doesn’t even remember coming home, and she thinks that’s a good thing. She can only imagine how people would react to someone wandering the streets with tears running down their face, which is exactly what would have happened had what happened really hit her in that moment.
For all she knew, Percy could have walked her home anyway. She wouldn’t put it past him. She never found the strength to turn around and find out.
After she got through the front door of her own apartment, she broke down. She didn’t even make it to her bed, instead sitting right against the door with her knees pulled up to her chin. It felt ridiculous—this isn’t her —but the thought only made things worse. At some point, she managed to drag herself to her room, and she curled up there, staring at the text Percy sent a few hours later.
(12.15) let me know when you get home
(12.25) i just want to make sure you’re safe
So he didn’t walk her home.
It was that message that she stared at. It could have been minutes, and it could have been hours. She never bothered counting. All she knows is that is the message that stared back at her in the dark of her room before she gathered the strength to call Piper, when she grew tired of her own sobs in the silence.
“Babe, I’m so sorry.”
Annabeth’s lower lip trembles. She picks at her bottom lip with her teeth, and the bleeding starts up again. She wipes it away. “I shouldn’t have called you. It’s late, and—”
“No. Don’t apologize.” There’s the shuffling of fabric again, and Annabeth recognizes Jason’s sleepy voice. “Where are you?”
“My apartment.”
It sounds foreign, saying her apartment. She doesn’t remember the last time she was here. Half of her clothes are with Percy, so she’d need to get those at some point. It sounds more appealing to buy everything entirely new.
“Do you need me?”
Annabeth doesn’t want to pull Piper out of bed. She doesn’t want to need somebody the way she does right now.
“No,” she says quietly. She picks at a loose thread on her jeans. “I’m sorry. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Let’s talk now,” Piper says gently. “You can cry, or scream, or do whatever else you feel like doing. I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s what Percy said too.” Annabeth laughs humorlessly. “Piper, I…I don’t get it. One second we were talking about getting married, and now it’s gone. How does it just end like that?”
Piper is silent again, and Annabeth hates it. It feels like pity, sympathy, and she doesn’t want it.
“I’m coming over.”
Annabeth doesn’t argue. “Okay.”
Piper makes it to Annabeth’s front door in exactly thirty minutes. She opens the door on her own with the not-so-hidden key above the door frame, and twenty seconds after that, Piper is sitting at the foot of Annabeth’s bed.
Annabeth’s legs are tucked underneath herself, and there’s a fuzzy blanket haphazardly over her. She’d abandoned the habit of biting her nails years ago, but it seems to have returned today.
Piper tilts her head. “How are you?”
Annabeth barely manages a smile. “Tired.”
“I’d imagine that you are.” Piper is probably tired too, but she’d never admit that. She’s still in sweatpants and what she assumes is Jason’s shirt, evidence that she had just rolled out of bed to get here. Piper grabs onto her foot beneath the blanket. “You can cry, you know?”
“I’ve already done that plenty,” Annabeth admits. She tucks her nose beneath the hem of her own sweater. It still smells like Percy. It’s comforting, but it hurts more than anything at the same time.
“Then we can go key his car,” Piper says.
Annabeth rolls her eyes fondly.
“I’m serious, if it makes you feel better. I’ve done it before, and if we got caught, my dad would just bail us out.”
“Some of us have morals,” Annabeth jokes, kicking Piper’s hand off her foot lightly. “I think I have a key to his apartment somewhere. We can egg his house.”
“He definitely won’t know who did it.”
Annabeth cracks a grin at that, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Tell me what happened,” Piper says after a moment. “Start from the top.”
“He thinks that I’m throwing my life away because of him—at least that’s what he said—so he left.” Annabeth’s words catch in her throat. “Do you think that’s what I’m doing?”
“I think that’s bullsh*t,” Piper says. “You know that’s not what you were doing. Maybe he felt guilty, but there’s definitely something going on in his head that made him think this was for the best.”
“And was it?”
“The right decision?”
Annabeth nods.
“I wish I could tell you,” Piper says. “He seems to think it was, but it was surprising. I mean…you’ve been together for almost three years. He never mentioned anything about it until now.”
“And now I’m sitting here crying over him.”
Piper pouts and crawls towards Annabeth. She curls up next to Annabeth and places her chin on Annabeth’s shoulder. Annabeth doesn’t want the pity. She doesn’t want to feel weak. Still, she settles closer to her best friend.
“You’re allowed to cry,” Piper tells her. She pokes Annabeth’s side. “Crying doesn’t mean you’re ruining your life over him. He was a dick to say all of that, and you get to be upset about it.”
“I don’t want to be.”
Piper laughs softly. “You love him.”
Annabeth’s chest hurts. “I do.”
That’s the worst part.
Every part of this hurts so much more than she could’ve ever imagined, but she can’t hate him. He pushed her away, but the only thing she wants is to curl up in his arms because for so long, he was the one to hold her when she was upset. The one person she wants is the one person she can’t have.
Annabeth sniffles. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“We used to practice our wedding dance. It sounds ridiculous, but every time we got up for a midnight snack, we would do the same thing. There was never any music, and it’s cringeworthy, but I loved it. I’m going to miss that.”
Piper snickers. “Why did you say that like it’s a secret?”
“I never told anyone because I wanted to keep it between the two of us. It doesn’t matter anymore, though.”
“You don’t know that.”
Annabeth lifts her head to look at Piper. “You think it will?”
She inhales deeply, staring at the clock on Annabeth’s dresser. “All I know is that you love him, and he loves you. I don’t know why he decided to break up, but…he loves you, Annabeth. You know that.”
“He said the same thing.”
“Because it’s true,” Piper insists. “It’s probably not what you want to hear right now, but you never know. It might end up being okay. I hope it is.”
Annabeth doesn’t know what to think.
“Let’s forget about it for tonight,” Piper says. “We can do anything else.”
“It’s almost two in the morning,” Annabeth says, a subtle smile. “What could we possibly do?”
“I would suggest stalking Percy, but I also don’t have the best track record with exes, and you’re definitely not me.” Piper sighs and squeezes the arm that’s wrapped around Annabeth’s waist. “We can go buy endless bottles of vodka and drink them all.”
Annabeth makes a sound of disagreement. “I still have things to do. I can’t drink until the verge of alcohol poisoning.”
“You’re right.” Piper sits up and pays Annabeth’s side to encourage her to do the same. When she doesn’t, Piper pulls Annabeth’s arm forcefully. She ends up turning the two of them until Piper is facing Annabeth so she can wipe away Annabeth’s tears. “Life isn’t going to stop, as much as we wish it could right now.”
“That’s so encouraging, Piper. Thank you.”
“I’m just saying that you’re going to be here a lot more.” Piper rubs Annabeth’s knee encouragingly. “No offense, but your apartment is sh*t. Let’s go grocery shopping. You need something to eat other than packets of salt you stole from a pizza shop.”
Annabeth blinks. “Now?”
“Right now,” she confirms. “I’ll even pay for everything, but you have to get out of bed.”
Annabeth hums. “Laying in bed seems like a better idea.”
“You can do that tomorrow.”
“We can do this tomorrow,” Annabeth says. “It’s the middle of the night.”
Piper frowns. “I’m worried, and I don’t want to leave you here alone. It’ll get your mind off of him, even if it’s just for an hour.”
Grocery shopping in the middle of the night isn’t normal, but this entire situation isn’t normal. Annabeth gives in.
“Come on,” Piper says. She slides off Annabeth’s bed and immediately turns around to grab Annabeth’s hand. “Pretend Percy doesn’t exist.”
“It’s easier to do that when you don’t say his name.”
Piper laughs. “Done.”
It’s hard, but Annabeth does manage to push the situation to the back of her mind. It doesn’t disappear, though she’s not surprised, but it’s far enough that she can focus on the ridiculous things Piper whispers in her ears as they walk through New York until they find an open supermarket.
The one that they wander into is a tad bit sketchy. There’s a neon sign that says open, and it provides enough glow that Annabeth can see the faint outline of herself in the reflection of the accompanying glass. She looks horrifying, and her face feels as sticky and splotchy as she’s sure it looks. She does her best at smoothing her hair down before Piper yanks open the rusty door and drags Annabeth in.
It’s crowded with shelves, and the light is dim. The cashier looks particularly uninterested, glancing up from his phone for a moment before returning to the screen. Other than the three of them, it’s empty, which she supposes is for the best.
“Go on,” Piper encourages. They turn down a random aisle. “Grab whatever you want.”
Annabeth’s fingers trace over the plastic wrapping of Chips Ahoy . Percy used to bring them home every week, and they’d lay awake on Sunday nights watching a movie, snacking on them. Their own little cycle.
“Do you want those?”
Annabeth drops her hand. “No.”
She continues down the aisle, unsure of what to grab. It’s mainly a ton of cereals with color bursting from the boxes, and a variety of candies she’s never heard of.
“You do realize we have to carry whatever we buy back to the apartment, right?”
Piper pauses. “I didn’t think of that, actually.”
Annabeth shoots her a lopsided grin before shoving a chocolate bar into Piper’s hands.
“You’re going to eat chocolate and blast Red , right?”
“You are really bad with getting my mind off of it,” Annabeth says, curving her lips up.
Piper bites her lip to stifle a smile. “Sorry. But you’re smiling! That’s a good sign!”
And she is.
It’s not gone. It won’t be for a long time, if ever. But for right now, she can try to smile with her best friend. The only one she has anymore.
“Do you need milk?” Piper asks, pulling open a glass fridge door at the end of the aisle.
It reminds her of the night they spent making crepes at midnight. When she’d snuck into his house and they’d danced around the kitchen in the refrigerator light. It’s one of her favorite memories of them. It was mortifying the next morning when his mom opened the door to Annabeth fast asleep against his chest, but she felt like a part of the family when she invited Annabeth to stay for breakfast. Percy made Annabeth sit down at the kitchen island, telling her she was in time out and scolding her for sneaking in. He ended up right next to her when his mom doubted she simply ‘snuck in’ so much as was invited in.
“Yeah,” Annabeth says, brushing her tangled hair back. “Grab some juice while you’re there. Sprite too.”
“You think I have four hands or something?” Piper reaches for the juice. “Grab the sprite yourself.”
She does, and she grabs a box of Lucky Charms for good measure.
“We’re going to need a cart,” Piper says. “We should’ve shoplifted one from Target before coming here.”
Annabeth adjusts the drink in her arms and steals the milk from Piper. “They’ll give us bags. Get the crackers.”
Piper makes fun of Annabeth for crackers and calls her a parrot.
“f*ck yourself,” Annabeth laughs out. She pulls twizzlers off the shelf with the two fingers she’s able to move without dropping milk.
“That’s a great idea,” Piper says. “When I broke up with Shel, I went out and got a vibrator. You should get one now that you’re going to be doing the work alone.”
“You want me to literally f*ck myself?”
“I’ll bring you one tomorrow.”
“I will not open the door.”
“I know where the key is.” Piper passes Annabeth by on her way to checkout, bumping her on the shoulder. “Let’s go home?”
Annabeth almost thinks Piper is going to march right by the cashier, who would probably not care if they did just that. Thankfully, she has some morals left inside her wild mind, so they dump the groceries on the messy counter. The boy looks like a teenager, still uninterested and rather annoyed they actually stopped to pay. He checks them out quickly, and five minutes later, they’re making the trek back to Annabeth’s apartment.
The roads are still busy, which is the good part of living in the city because it means they aren’t entirely defenseless and alone at night.
Annabeth gets smacked in the face with a leaf that falls from a tree planted in front of a small park, and her mood comes tumbling down.
It’s not the first day of fall anymore. This is the first day that she’s truly on her own in the part of the year she’s supposed to love the most.
It’s ironic, the worst day of her life being on the day that had always been her favorite.
“Keep up,” Piper chides, looking over her shoulder. She nods at the groceries in Annabeth’s arms that are threatening to cut off her circulation. “Your bag is breaking.”
Annabeth just barely manages to catch the jug of milk when the plastic snaps under its weight.
The rest of the walk is quiet, and she’s transported back to earlier. It’s easier to find her way home without breaking into tears when she can’t see the hints of autumn. It’s easier without the subtle splashes of color, or when she can’t see the park he’d broken up with her in.
Annabeth stares at the red of the traffic light in front of her apartment. It seems to portray how the next few weeks are going to go.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Annabeth starts, blinking slowly at Piper. “What?”
“I can tell you’re thinking about him.” Piper holds open the front door to the apartment building with her foot. “What are you thinking?”
“I just…” Annabeth presses the button to the elevator, and they step in a few seconds later. She can’t look Piper in the eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve seen him every single day since we got together, and it’s over, just like that. What do I do now?”
Piper doesn’t respond immediately. Annabeth doesn’t mind the silence.
It’s not until they finish putting away the (few) groceries in her wooden cupboards and end up curled in Annabeth’s bed that she speaks.
“I think you just have to keep living,” Piper says quietly, disrupting the hum of the heater. “It’ll suck, but you’ll get through it.”
Annabeth tucks her legs beneath herself and snuggles deeper beneath the blanket. “I haven’t been alone in so long.”
Piper knocks her on the forehead. “You aren’t alone, silly. You have me. I’m not going anywhere.”
Annabeth’s eyes begin to water, and she doesn’t try to stop tears from falling. She wipes them roughly with the blanket, but a few drop to the cotton pillow. “I know, but he said the same thing, and…”
Piper grabs Annabeth’s cheeks and squishes them to get her to shut up. Even when tears fall harder, Annabeth smiles into it. “I am not leaving, okay? Percy is dumb, and he’s going to be banging his head into a wall. I love you so much, and you are not alone.”
Annabeth gives a wet laugh when Piper pointedly kisses her cheek.
“Go to sleep,” Piper insists, rolling over onto the other side of the bed. “We can cry some more tomorrow, but right now, I’m tired, and I know you are too, so. Sleep.”
Annabeth snickers, and chokes a little bit too, but she closes her eyes.
She sees traffic lights. They stay red.
September 30, 2021
It takes one week for Annabeth to open the bottle that’s been sitting on her counter.
It stares at her, the glass covered in fingerprints from the nights she’d twirled it between her fingers, deciding if she really wanted to open it. It felt official, opening the bottle, because it meant that she’d be trying to drown out her new reality, to forget every feeling except numbness, and she didn’t want to do that yet. Not for one week.
Now it’s been one week, and she wastes no time in unscrewing the lid and pouring the liquid into the first glass she finds. It burns, but she takes another sip anyway. She leaves the bottle uncapped on the kitchen island before she finds her way to the couch.
She nearly trips over the backpack left on the floor. The light is off, and it’s well into the night, but she still doesn’t turn it on anyway.
Annabeth takes another sip of her drink.
She considers turning on the tv to replace the ringing silence she’s listened to all day. She’s going to, but then her phone lights up when Piper texts her, and she’s too distracted to do anything else.
There are messages that she’s been avoiding. She’s seen them before, but it’s different, knowing that they’re right there when he isn’t. She didn’t know if she wanted to revisit the way they used to be, but then she sees the text from Percy the day they broke up asking if she got home safe.
She never did answer.
She scrolls up in their messages, and she can’t help the smile that forms on her face, even as her eyes begin to water.
P
(14.27) where are u
(14.31) i’m bored
(14.34) i got a haircut
(14.34) now i’m at walmart 👁👅👁
(14.34) send pics
(14.36) (attachment: 1)
(14.37) dumbass
(14.37) ❤️
(14.37) ☹️
(14.38) i meant pictures of ur hair
(14.38) though the bread is captivating, truly
(14.39) oh lol i thought u meant pictures at walmart
(14.39) why would i ever ask for pictures of walmart
(14.40) trust issues
(14.40) u embarrass me
(14.40) come home soon i miss u
(14.41) sorry some hot guy at walmart liked my hair
(14.42) i’m running off with him
(14.42) tell him u shop at walmart
(14.42) that should deter him
(14.43) something tells me he knows
(14.43) haha
(14.43) i’ll be home in an hour
(14.43) love you
(14.44) drive safe❤️
The texts are less than a month old. Annabeth swallows back the lump that forms in her throat. She doesn’t get how everything changed so fast, or how her world turned upside down.
Percy’s the type of person to tell her to drive safe. He’s able to laugh with her over people that hit on her because they trusted each other. He texts her things like I miss you, and she believes him and tells him that she misses him more.
It’s the way they are.
Were.
Annabeth wipes her eyes with the end of her shirt and scrolls down some more. She spends hours like that, reading over every single message they’ve sent each other. At some point, she goes looking for a specific moment. It takes a long time—she has to go back years—but she finds it.
P
(10.01) where’d you go?
(10.02) i know you’re here somewhere
(10.02) your car is still here
(10.03) i’m hiding from ur mother
(10.03) i can’t look her in the eye
(10.03) LMFAO
(10.03) ur so dramatic
(10.04) i snuck into ur house and she caught me
(10.04) i snuck you into my house*
(10.10) literally where did u go
(10.10) i’m under your bed
(10.12) LIAR
(10.12) now my mom is asking for u
(10.13) i’m up ur butt
(10.13) and to the left
(10.14) you’re so annoying
(10.14) ❤️
(10.15) please come out?
(10.15) i’ll give u kisses
(10.16) i love kisses
(10.16) i’m in ur closet dummy
(10.16) “i’ve looked everywhere”
(10.16) “just not my closet”
(10.16) “which is the only plausible hiding spot here”
(10.17) why are u so judgmental
(10.17) come out
(10.17) come get me
(10.18) i’m eating
(10.18) (attachment: 1)
(10.19) f*ck you, jackson
(10.20) eating pancakes without me
(10.20) the audacity
(10.20) haha
(10.20) kisses waiting 4 u
(10.21) not in front of ur mom
(10.21) yes
(10.21) come
(10.25) are u really going to make me come get u?
(10.25) yes.
(10.26) i’m on my way❤️
That had been her favorite morning with Percy. It was the night after Percy snuck her in. They ate breakfast at midnight and danced around like lovestruck idiots. It was her favorite, that night, but she thinks the morning might have been better.
She felt like a part of his family. His mom made them pancakes, and they had to pretend they didn’t basically have the same thing a few hours before. They shared giggles when his mom turned her back. She remembers being so embarrassed, but his mom just playfully scolded them before sprouting out something about young kids in love. Percy had drowned his pancakes then, and Annabeth made fun of him before stealing a bite of it because it belonged to him. She ended up sticky with syrup, but Percy just tugged her close and kissed her anyway. It blocked any other thoughts from her mind except for that kiss, and how soft and sweet it had been.
Annabeth chokes back a sob and drops her phone to the couch.
The alcohol seems to have the opposite effect of what she’d intended. Everything reminds her of Percy, and she doesn’t want this. She doesn’t want to be caught up on him because it feels ridiculous, crying over a guy. She tells herself that, repeating it in her mind over and over again. It doesn’t help.
She pulls the knitted blanket over the back of the couch over her legs and picks her phone back up. His last two messages sit right there, opened and ignored.
(12.15) let me know when you get home
(12.25) i just want to make sure you’re safe
It would be so easy to answer him. It’s right there, begging for her to say something. She could tell him she never got home, or she’s home and not safe. Something to make his attention perk, to make sure he feels the same amount of upset that she does right now.
Her fingers hover over her phone. It’s a bad idea, she knows, texting someone that clearly wants nothing to do with her anymore. At the same time, she wants to see if he’d answer her again.
She sends one message.
(21.37) why?
She regrets it the second she sends it, but it’s only a few seconds before it’s marked as read. The typing bubble doesn’t pop up for a moment, and her heart drops. Then:
(21.39) why i want to make sure ur safe?
Annabeth snorts and presses her face into the palm of her hand. Her face feels warm, and the entire room does too. She’s a little too tipsy for this.
(21.40) nevermind
(21.40) no ☹️
(21.40) tell me
Annabeth tilts her head, staring at the glowing screen.
(21.41) mmnnaah i’m good
(21.41) drinking?
(21.41) onyl a little bit
(21.41) are you okay?
(21.41) i got home safe
(21.42) since u asked
(21.42) i know
That confuses Annabeth. How does he know?
(21.42) i wouldn’t have left u alone otherwise
(21.42) that’s kind of contradictory, don’t u think?
(21.43) what?
(21.43) you broke up with me
The bubble appears to indicate Percy’s typing, but it disappears just as quickly. It fills Annabeth with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that he’s probably uncomfortable. She figures he can put up with it, though, after what she’s put up with for days.
(21.45) so
(21.45) that’s where we’re at
(21.46) did u expect something else?
(21.46) i’m sorry
She’s unsure what he’s sorry for. She likes to think there’s a lot for him to be sorry for. She decides not to mention that.
(21.47) anyway. i got home.
(21.47) lots of wine to keep me company
(21.48) mhm
(21.48) don’t do anything stupid
(21.48) lol
When he doesn’t send anything else, Annabeth thinks that’s the end of the conversation. Early into their relationship, she used to get onto him about leaving her on read. He did it all the time, but she would always playfully scold him for it, and at some point, he stopped doing it. That lesson seems to have gone out the window now. She’s relieved, and it seems like a weight off her chest.
That doesn’t last long at all, though, when her phone lights up with a call from Percy. She waits two seconds, contemplating denying the call, but the part of her brain that’s hazy doesn’t let her.
“I tell you not to do anything stupid, and the first thing you’re going to do is laugh in my face?”
Annabeth bites her lip, and she doesn’t even realize she’s crying. She might not have stopped to begin with. “I didn’t laugh. ”
She hears Percy give a soft chuckle. It almost doesn’t sound real. “You definitely did. I could practically hear you laughing.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Right.”
“Why did you call?”
Percy sighs, and there’s a shuffling on the other end of the phone. She thinks he’s laying in their— his —bed. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“That’s condescending.”
Percy laughs at the reference. “Call it what you want.”
“I’m fine,” she says. “No need to check up on me. I can handle myself.”
“I know you can.”
“Then you probably shouldn’t call me again,” Annabeth says, a bit playful and in pain. She rubs her nose. “It’s not making this any easier.”
“You’re crying?”
Annabeth breathes out a choked laugh. “Yeah. I’m crying.”
“I really didn’t want to hurt you.”
“Well.” Annabeth shrugs, even though he can’t see her. “You did.”
Percy’s silent.
“I still don’t get it,” Annabeth admits. She doesn’t bother hiding the strain of her voice. “Why? Why couldn’t you have just talked to me?”
“I didn’t know how,” Percy says. “How am I supposed to look you in the eye and tell you that I don’t know if we should be together?”
“How can you look me in the eye and tell me that you love me, and then tell me we were never made to be together in the same f*cking breath?”
“That’s not fair.”
Annabeth hums in disagreement and takes a well-deserved sip of her drink. She spills a bit on herself and mutters out a curse.
“You should probably put the drink down.”
“I don’t have a drink,” Annabeth lies.
“I’m not an idiot.”
“Piper said otherwise.”
“Of course she’d say that.”
“I happen to agree with her.”
“I’m sure you do,” Percy says. “What is it?”
“What is what?”
“What you’re drinking.”
“None of your business,” Annabeth says, raising the drink to no one. “You broke up with me.”
“Yes, I know. Thank you for reminding me.”
“Do you regret it?”
Annabeth doesn’t mean for the question to slip off her tongue. She doesn’t realize that it does until his sentence falls short, and she’s biting her tongue when it dawns on her.
“I’m sorry,” Annabeth says. “I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“It’s alright. And I don’t.”
Annabeth winces. “Right.”
“It’s not that I’m happy about this, because I’m not. I miss you, and I…I wish that I could forget anything happened, but I can’t. And you didn’t do anything wrong. Please believe that.”
Annabeth sniffles. “It doesn’t feel like it.”
“It’s nothing you did,” Percy promises, with a small laugh. “And that’s a breakup cliche, but it’s true. I just want what’s best for you, and I don’t think that’s me.”
“And you think I don’t know what’s best for myself?”
“I don’t think you see it,” he admits.
They’re not going back.
“You’ll be alright,” he says. “Go be brilliant. Build some pretty buildings.”
Annabeth breathes deeply. She finally sets the glass down on the floor beside the couch, and she pulls the blanket on her legs further up. She can’t seem to drown out the cold.
“And when I build those pretty buildings, what about you?” she asks. “You used to tell me you’d be the first to see it.”
“And I still will be.”
“How?”
“I don’t want you out of my life, Annabeth. You’re my best friend.”
Best friends.
That’s how they started out. Before all the kisses and nights spent curled up in each other’s arms, they would sit on the floor watching movies until they couldn’t keep their eyes open. They’d go out in the city with a few of their other friends, pretending to be a couple when someone comes up to hit on them in the middle of central park. That was them, even after they started dating. They were best friends first, always, except now that they’re not dating, everything else seems to have come crumbling down beneath them.
They were able to date because they were best friends, but if they’re not dating, she’s not sure she can still be best friends with him.
“I was reading over our texts,” Annabeth admits. She fiddles with her shirt and the blanket, unable to keep herself still. “From the day after your mom walked into your room when you snuck me in. I ended up sitting in the closet just to see how long it took you to realize I was missing, and you started eating pancakes without me.”
Percy hums, reminiscing. “You never did let me live that down.”
“Because it was rude,” Annabeth reminds him. “That used to be one of my favorite memories of us.”
“Used to be?”
“I was sobbing the entire time I read it over,” she says. “You’re telling me that it’s not my fault, and you just want what’s best for me, but I don’t think I’m ever really going to understand it.”
She can imagine Percy on the other end of the phone. She can tell that he’s steadying his breathing, and she knows that he’s in the same position as her, trying to hide his tears. He’s crying too, and she thought it would make her feel better. It doesn’t.
“You don’t need to understand it,” he says, strained. “I can live with you hating me for that. Please, I just…I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t know how.” Annabeth hates the whimper he gives. “I really don’t. You broke up with me, and I don’t get it, and now I can’t think of you without crying.”
He takes a deep breath. “I understand.”
“Still don’t regret it?”
Percy chuckles softly. “No, because I know you’re going to go kick some ass.”
“You can’t say stuff like that,” Annabeth sobs.
“I mean it.”
Annabeth nods.
“Well. I’m happy we got to talk. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Me too,” Annabeth lies.
“When I said that I’m still here for whatever you need, I meant it.” Percy shifts again. “Call me, for anything.”
“Okay.”
“Whatever happens, I am right here. That’s never going to change.”
She genuinely believes him.
Percy is too sweet for his own good. She knows that the second something happens, he would be the first person by her side. He would answer his phone at insane hours of the day, and he’d stick around when she’s screaming at him for breaking her heart. She could put him through hell, and he’d walk through it with a smile.
That’s why she can’t do this.
She can’t be his friend in the way she used to because it reminds her of everything she lost. She can’t see him when he’s not hers because it makes her realize that he clearly doesn’t need her in the way she needs him. He can walk away and still be her friend, and it makes her feel that he never needed her if it’s so easy for him to leave in the first place.
“Okay,” Annabeth whispers. “I think…maybe you shouldn’t call me again.”
She knows him well enough to know the way he shrinks back at her words.
“Um. Yeah, of course. If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
They hang in silence for a few seconds, and it turns into a few minutes. Neither of them can bring themselves to hang up, because it feels so much more real. Once Annabeth hangs up, she knows she can’t call him back. She can’t read over their texts because if she does, she’ll fall back into this pattern, desperately waiting for a text or call that will never come because she told him she didn’t want him in her life.
“I should probably go,” Annabeth breathes. “I’m getting tired, and it’s late.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
Annabeth swallows, but the uncomfortable feeling in the back of her throat strengthens. Somehow, this is worse than before because it’s really over.
Three years.
“And I know you don’t want me around anymore, and I’ll respect that. It doesn’t change the fact that I am right here. One call away.”
Annabeth’s lips quirk up. “I know.”
“Even if it’s something like you took too much nyquil and couldn’t drive home,” Percy teases, “I want you to call me.”
“That was one time,” Annabeth argues playfully, closing her eyes. She leans against the back of the couch. “If that ever happens, I will call you.”
“Good.” A beat passes. “Go be that amazing architect I always knew you would be.”
Annabeth purses her lips together and squeezes her eyes tighter. “I will.”
And he doesn’t quite hang up, and she needs that last moment before the line falls dead. Autumn is a cycle, but they are not. She can focus on the trees around her and the shifting colors another time because right now—this specific moment—won’t reappear.
Percy laughs softly, and her heart shatters all over again.
“Don’t do something stupid, Chase.”
He hangs up.
November 12, 2021
“You do have a home, right?”
Annabeth looks up from the blueprints, rolling her eyes. She spots her friend, Lee Fletcher, staring at her expectantly.
“I’m just asking,” Lee says, smiling. “It’s almost eleven on a Friday, and you’re in the office.”
She laughs and leans back in her swivel chair. The blueprints can wait a bit. “I don’t have anything else to do, believe it or not. I do have a home, though.”
Lee sets his stuff down on top of her blueprints, prompting Annabeth to scowl. He pulls out a chair opposite of her, matching her stance and eyeing her. “Good. Go there.”
“Are you telling me to stop working?” Annabeth raises a brow. “I never thought I’d hear you, of all people, asking me to stop working.”
“I’m telling you that you do too much.”
She shrugs playfully. “It’s a good thing you’re not my boss.”
Lee laughs, nudging her foot with his lightly. “No, but I’ve been here a year and you’ve been here a month. I could have you fired.”
“Alright, Mr. Superiority Complex.” Annabeth sits up and pointedly shoves his jacket off of the desk she’s working at. It hits the ground with a thump, and he whines a bit as he picks it up. “I like being here. It’s boring at home.”
“Then don’t go home,” he says. “Go to the library and study. You have finals coming soon enough.”
Annabeth groans and falls back to the seat again. She rests one of her elbows against the armrest and her head in the palm of her hand. She closes her eyes for a moment, and she realizes how much her head actually hurts after hours of staring at blueprints.
It’s been a month since one of her professors recommended her for an intern position at a New York firm. She loves it, really, but it gets exhausting. Still, it’s easier to stay hours after she needs to until she can’t think about the thing still ringing in the back of her mind. She gets back to her apartment well past midnight these days, and she prefers it that way.
“Annabeth?”
“Lee?” she teases. “I have to finish this project.”
“When’s it due?”
“Two weeks.”
“I hate everything about you.”
“You’re just jealous of my ability to not procrastinate,” Annabeth says. “You wish you were me.”
He laughs in her face.
“You think that’s funny?”
“You’re a mess, Chase. Believe me when I say I don’t want to be you.”
“Haha,” she deadpans. “Don’t you have a fiancée to get back to?”
“Trying to get rid of me?”
“Yes,” she says. “You’re annoying.”
He laughs. “I’m just checking in on you.”
“You checked in,” she tells him. She kicks his knee lightly. “Go home. I’ll just be here a little bit longer.”
“I’m not going to come back tomorrow and find you asleep on your desk, right?”
Annabeth lifts the side of her lips, thinking. “There’s, like, a sixty percent chance of that happening.”
Lee stands up. “Go home. That’s an order.”
Annabeth smiles sweetly and slowly moves closer to the desk scattered with pencils and rulers. “Five more minutes.”
He rolls his eyes fondly. He walks towards the elevator, smacking Annabeth upside the head, enough to push her over a bit but not enough to actually hurt her. He presses the down button. “What happened to your hot date?”
“For me to have a hot date, they’d have to be, you know, hot. ”
“You’re judgmental.”
Annabeth smirks. “So I’ve been told.”
“You should’ve said yes.”
“To Octavian? Are you insane?”
“A date would’ve been good for you.”
“If you like Octavian so much, maybe you should date him.”
“Oh, god. No. I’ll pass.”
“Exactly.”
Lee gives her a scolding look. “You could still go out. You’re young. Go have a one night stand, or something.”
“I’m not into STD’s, thank you.”
“You could use condoms, but—”
“Should you be encouraging this? This feels immoral.”
Lee laughs as the elevator opens. “Why do I try with you?”
“Because I’m your favorite intern,” Annabeth replies. She looks over her shoulder as he steps into the elevator. “Goodnight!”
He gives her a middle finger, and Annabeth snickers when their boss walks by at the perfect time. Annabeth slyly returns the gesture behind her boss’ back.
Once he’s gone, Annabeth turns back to the blueprints. It’s hard to focus, and she really is tired, but she doesn’t want to leave yet, so she chooses to stare out the window instead.
It’s so late. She’s in one of the skyscrapers along the sky, and it’s her favorite place to be. It’s beautiful, though that makes sense for a building full of architects. The walls are glass, which is what her desk is pressed up against, so she’s able to see the changing skyline, lined with other towering skyscrapers.
She has to admit that she’s doing surprisingly well. She hasn’t spoken to Percy since that one phone call. She’s cried a lot, and she hasn’t even looked at anyone else in a romantic sense, but…she’s happy. The internship came out of nowhere, and it felt almost like she was rubbing it in Percy’s nose, which also felt better than it probably should. Admittedly, the internship on top of her senior year took so much time that she didn’t have time to think about Percy, but in those few moments that she did have, it felt good.
When she begins to drift to sleep while staring at the distant sparkling lights, she decides it’s probably best that she makes her way home.
Annabeth stands slowly, stretching out her sore neck. She never realized how much of a toll working at a desk all day has on her.
She’s barely even conscious when she rolls up the papers and leaves them in one of the drawers of her desk. She throws on her coat, pulling her hair out from where it gets stuck below the hood.
The office is empty for the most part, though a few stragglers wish her a good weekend as she makes her way out of the office. The cold gets to her immediately, coupled with a powerful wind that has her shivering. She tightens the coat around herself, and she keeps her head down. This is her least favorite part of leaving work so late, because walking alone at night in Manhattan is kind of terrifying. She’s actually been meaning to get a taser, or pepper spray, since she started the internship. She should probably get on that.
“Excuse me?”
Annabeth barely has time to stop before she runs into someone. When she looks up, she finds a stranger peering at her curiously. He looks around her age, maybe a tiny bit older, and he’s a lot taller than her.
“Hi,” he says, peeking down at her. His hands are in his coat pockets.
Annabeth shifts away from him. “Did you need something?”
He smiles kindly. “I saw you walking alone.”
Annabeth blinks.
“Oh, sorry,” he tries, laughing. “Not trying to be a creep. I just wanted to know your name.”
Annabeth tilts her head. “I don’t tell strangers my name.”
“I’m Ethan,” he says, laughing. “We’re not strangers now, right?”
Annabeth gets the sense that he’s not particularly trying to harm her. He’s just incredibly dense and doesn’t realize that he probably shouldn’t approach someone alone at midnight. Regardless, Annabeth doesn’t want to take that chance, so she pointedly takes a step away from him.
“Aw, come on. Quid pro quo?”
“I’m on my way to work,” Annabeth lies. “They’re waiting for me.”
“At midnight?”
“Weird work schedule.” Annabeth shrugs. “So, I’m just gonna go…”
“I can walk you,” he offers. “You wouldn’t want to walk alone, would you?”
“I would, actually.”
“You shouldn’t walk alone at night. I don’t mind walking you.”
“Like I said. I’m fine on my own.”
“But I’m offering to walk you.”
Annabeth scrunches her nose in disdain. “Can you leave me alone?”
He rolls his eyes, and his entire demeanor begins to change. He takes another step closer to her, but she matches his step back. He grows more annoyed. “What are you doing?”
“I’ve already asked you to leave me alone,” she says.
“I’ll leave you alone if I get your number,” he says. His eyes sparkle, and she realizes he genuinely thinks he’s being funny. “Or your name.”
Annabeth nods. “Alright, so…I’m going to scream assault if you don’t leave.”
“Oh, don’t be like that. I just really want to—”
“Is everything alright here?”
Annabeth jumps at the extra voice that pops up next to her. She glances at them, and her stomach threatens to leap out of her throat when she spots someone all too familiar standing by her shoulder.
“Everything’s fine,” Ethan says.
Percy’s not even looking at her, and for a moment, she wonders if he even realizes that it’s her next to him. “Everything's fine?”
“Mh-hm,” Ethan confirms. “She was just heading to work, and I offered to walk her.”
“And I said no,” she reminds him.
Percy brings his hands together. “Great. Looks like we’re done here then.”
“Who are you?” Ethan asks.
“Who are you? ” Percy counters. He tilts his head, glaring at Ethan. “Go on, then. She asked you to leave, didn’t she?”
“You her boyfriend, or something?”
Percy looks at him daringly. “Does that matter?”
Ethan takes a step towards them, and Annabeth has no shame in stepping back once again. She stands behind Percy’s shoulder, and he almost moves to block her from his sight some more.
“I think you should go,” Percy suggests.
Ethan looks at Annabeth behind his shoulder. “You’re really not going to give me your name?”
Annabeth’s scowls. Percy speaks up for her.
“She doesn’t owe you anything. You need to leave.”
Ethan gives him a nasty glare, and then he gives one to Annabeth. He waits two more seconds before turning and disappearing around the nearest block. Percy still doesn’t look at her, watching him walk away. Once he turns the corner, he finally lets his shoulders fall and look at her.
He looks her up and down, recognition clear as day on his face.
A beat passes.
“Are you okay?”
Annabeth shifts on her feet, shouldering her backpack. “I’m fine.”
“You’re heading to work?”
She smiles softly. “I’m heading home. I didn’t need him to know that.”
“Probably not,” he agrees, matching her smile. “You really shouldn’t be walking alone at night. Even if I know you can take care of yourself.”
Annabeth’s face feels warm, even as the icy winds chills her to the bone. It scares her how natural this feels after months of trying to forget he existed. It had worked, but now, everything comes flooding back.
“Did you know it was me?” she asks. “Before you stopped?”
Percy furrows his brows. “Of course I knew. I’m not sure I’d stop for anyone else.”
Annabeth gives him an amused look.
“I’m just saying it is pretty scary in Manhattan, and I like breathing.”
Annabeth tries to ignore the implication that while he likes breathing, he would easily die if it meant she was safe.
Percy tucks his hands into his pockets. He gives her a gentle look. “That being said…can I walk you home?”
Annabeth wants to say yes. She almost does, but then she looks at him and forgets how to speak. He’s illuminated by one of the faint streetlights. His gaze is friendly, and it makes a stab of jealousy rise in her because how can he be so unaffected seeing her again when she’s already nearing the verge of tears?
“For my own sanity, if anything,” he adds.
Annabeth rolls her eyes, a bit playful. “In that case…”
Percy snickers and rolls his eyes back. “Come on. Let’s get you home before that kid comes back.”
They begin walking, and what would be awkward silence is filled by the passing cars. It’s freezing still, but she can’t focus on that when Percy is matching her stride. His hands are painfully to himself, but his shoulder brushes hers every few seconds. She doesn’t even realize it’s intentional until he does it a few more times.
She glances at him, and he’s looking at her expectantly.
“Alright,” Percy says finally. “I’ll bite.”
Annabeth straightens.
“Do you always leave work this late?”
“For the most part,” she says. “Not much else to do.”
“And what do you do? For work?”
“You’re asking a lot of questions,” Annabeth notes.
“I haven’t seen you since…”
Since they broke up.
She wishes he would just say it, instead of skirting around the fact. They broke up.
“I’m just trying to catch up,” he finishes.
Annabeth runs her tongue along the inside of her cheek. “Right. It’s actually an internship. I’m not getting paid. It’s mainly a lot of looking at blueprints and following around stuffy architects.”
“That’s the dream, isn’t it?”
“To do it on my own, sure.”
Percy hums.
She looks forward again.
They can’t seem to get to her apartment fast enough. She’s not sure what’s going to happen when they get there. The last thing she wants to do is the awkward goodbye, or a meaningless see you around when they both know that’s not true. It can’t be any worse than right now, though.
They don’t acknowledge the painful bubble between them. It hasn’t been that long, but it feels like forever since she’d seen him. She wishes she hadn’t left work so that she wouldn’t be forced to stand here, wondering if he’s itching to touch her like she is him.
“You’ve been good, then?”
Annabeth smiles subtly. “As good as I can be.”
“I’m glad,” he says. “I’m happy for you.”
Annabeth bites her lip. It peels painfully, and she groans internally. She’d been working so hard on stopping that habit.
“This is awkward,” Percy says. “I’m sorry.”
“It is,” Annabeth agrees. “What were you doing, anyway? You had to be walking around too.”
“I was heading back from Jason’s.”
Annabeth can’t hide the way she rolls her eyes. He doesn’t comment, thankfully. It had always annoyed her the way Jason and Percy stayed friends, though it made sense. She couldn’t ask them to stop being friends, but it never failed to make her stomach drop when she heard Piper had seen Percy because of Jason.
She tries to seem nonchalant. “Why were you at Jason’s?”
“Just having a drink. I was also picking his brain about a job offer I got. He was always better with that type of thing.”
“A job offer?”
“Now who’s asking a lot of questions?” Percy muses. He bumps her shoulder when she looks down. “It’s fine. A teaching position. Marine. It pays well enough for now, but it’s also already midway through the school year, so I’m not sure how that would work.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” she says kindly.
Percy tilts his head. They move out of the way of someone walking the opposite direction. “Any advice?”
“Oh, no.”
“None at all?” he teases. “You love giving advice.”
“To my friends.”
“Annabeth.”
She laughs, though it’s void of humor.
“I do consider you a friend, believe it or not.”
“And I thought I told you I didn’t want to be friends.”
Percy breathes, looking forward. “Yeah, well. I hoped that would wear off by now. I guess not.”
Annabeth spots the front of her apartment building on the next block. They still have to make their way across a crosswalk. The traffic light to the right of the intersection is bright. It gives off red lighting, and that repeats in Annabeth. She needs to stop— this needs to stop.
“Why are you here?” Annabeth manages. “Did you plan this?”
Percy stops, insulted. “Is that really what you think of me?”
“You just happened to be on the street at the right time.”
“Yeah, and I sent that guy to creep you out while I was at it,” Percy says sarcastically. “I really did just ‘happen’ to walk by. Next time I’ll be sure to leave you alone with a stranger on the street.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I just—how many times do I have to tell you that I still care about you?”
Annabeth glances down. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize,” he says, frustrated. He rubs his palm over his mouth. “I get it.”
He doesn’t say anything else, and she wonders if he actually gets it like he says he does. If she were a better person, she would care.
“Anyway, we’re here,” Percy says.
Annabeth shifts her feet. “I should probably go. Thanks for walking with me.”
“It’s not a problem.” Despite everything, despite her snapping in his face the minute before, he gives her an earnest, sweet look. “Stay safe, please.”
Annabeth nods. “I will.”
He waits until she’s through the front door of the building before giving her one last wave and turning his back. She notices that he’s not standing as tall as he had been before.
This is why she didn’t want to see him again. Everything about him is the exact same. He’s so sweet and genuine in a way that’s rare in this world. The only thing that’s changed is the fact that she can’t be with him. Somehow, that’s the worst part, knowing that the sole reason that she can’t have him is because he doesn’t want her.
He disappears soon enough, and Annabeth feels that uncomfortable pit in her stomach form. She hasn’t cried in a long time, but tonight might be the first. It comes flooding back, hitting her unexpectedly, and all she can do is lay in her bed and breathe. How does autumn turn into this?
How does the part of life that is guaranteed to come around become impossible to decipher?
Annabeth doesn’t know.
Right now, she doesn’t want to cry. Percy still loves her enough to put himself between her and a threat, but he can’t choose her. She can’t cry . Not over something that she can’t change.
So she closes her eyes and tries to let it all fade away. Still, his words repeat in her mind.
Stay safe, please.
She cries.
December 23, 2021
“Do you always need to wait until the last minute to do Christmas shopping?”
Annabeth doesn’t bother to grace Piper with a response. She shoots her a nasty glare, which Piper decides to return with a sh*t-eating grin.
“How much longer is this going to take?”
“I don’t know,” Annabeth says. She places a snow globe back on one of the crooked shelves. This entire shop isn’t exactly Annabeth’s style. It’s small and vintage, with sickly yellow lights buzzing overhead and old classical music playing softly. Everything seems to have a layer of dust, and she kind of wants to get out of there as soon as possible. “Are you going to ask that every two seconds?”
Piper laughs and picks up the snowglobe she’d just put down. “You’re cranky.”
“You’re impossible to shop with,” Annabeth counters.
“It might just be the fact that you, you know, decided to go shopping two days before Christmas.”
“I’ve been trying to get you to go for weeks, so this is your own fault.”
Piper shrugs and sets the snowglobe down.
They continue around the store in silence. Annabeth’s meant to be looking for something for Piper too, but she’s quickly discovering how hard it actually is to go shopping for someone that’s rich. She doubts Piper would want something second-hand and undoubtedly broken, but if Piper keeps whining the way she is right now to get Annabeth’s attention, she might get just that.
“You should buy lingerie.”
Annabeth takes one glance at Piper’s arms. “No.”
Piper pouts and holds the hangar up to herself. “You don’t like it?”
“You’re going to get an infection if you put that on, but by all means, go ahead. I’ll watch.” Annabeth eyes Piper picking up another one. “You’re like a toddler.”
“I’m bored, Annabeth.”
“Then go do something else.”
Piper sniffs and turns away. “No.”
Annabeth looks at Piper, bemused. “You sure you don’t want to leave?”
“I definitely want to leave, but I’m not going to leave you here alone. It wouldn’t be very festive of me.”
Annabeth sticks her tongue out at her. “I don’t want your pity.”
Piper laughs. She returns the hangars and leans against a metal rack holding thrifted clothes. It tips dangerously. Annabeth has to stifle a laugh at the nasty look the shop owner sends her way.
“Go,” Annabeth insists. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll go once you’re done here,” Piper says. “Why are we still here? There’s no way you’re buying something from this place.”
“Can you not say that so loudly? It’s rude.”
“The owner needs to learn that no one is going to buy lingerie with stains on them for fifty dollars. I don’t care if she hears me.” Piper tilts her head, pleading. “Let’s leave. I’m getting a rash.”
Annabeth flicks Piper’s forehead, but she gives in. She has to shove by Piper to get through the narrow space to the entrance. “Fine. Let’s go.”
The second Annabeth steps out into the cold, she thinks that five more minutes in the vintage shop would’ve been preferable. It’s freezing outside, and the sky is dark, clouds hiding the sun from her direct sight. Her coat doesn’t feel like it’s doing much to protect against the biting wind, but she tightens it around herself anyway. Brushing her hair out later is going to be a nightmare with the way it’s getting tangled in the wind.
“Where do you want to go?”
Annabeth sighs. She can see her own breath. “I don’t know. I was just planning on walking around for a bit until I found something.”
“Oh, no way. I’m not doing that with you.”
“You’re welcome to leave.”
Piper stomps her foot, and Annabeth gives her an accusing grin. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“It’s between that and freezing to death.”
“I think I’ll go sit inside the Starbucks I saw around the corner,” Piper says finally. She shoves her hands into her own coat pockets. “Come with me?”
“I have so much to do,” Annabeth says. “Go on. I’ll be fine.”
“Do you want me to bring you something back?”
The question gives her whiplash.
Annabeth chews on her lip. “No thanks. I’ll meet you there in an hour.”
Piper grins. “Don’t get frostbite.”
Annabeth winks. “Go. You’re being annoying.”
Piper blows her a kiss, which Annabeth can only pretend to catch in the palm of her hand. It makes Piper smile before she turns on her heel and bounces away.
Annabeth watches longingly, and she almost ends up following Piper anyway. The cold isn’t all that appealing, and winter just isn’t Annabeth’s thing. She likes autumn, obviously. In the end, she convinces herself to continue on her own. She’s at an outlet she doesn’t usually go to, so she can’t do much more than wander around until one of the stores catches her eye. They’re all pretty tiny, so she’s surprised by how many people are around. There are a lot of families along with children with snot running down their faces. She has to sidestep a toddler that goes running along the storefronts, but the kid ends up running into the person behind her.
Maybe Annabeth should’ve gone with Piper after all, because she can’t seem to shop when she’s trembling against the wind. She sniffles and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her coat. She tries to smooth her hair down when she catches a glimpse of it in the reflection of a glass window, and it kind of works, before she continues on her way.
She passes a lot of pointless stores. She’s not particularly into artisanal soaps, though a lot of people must be if there’s a line outside the store. She pointedly steps around them and chooses to turn along the block, hoping that there’s something more teetered towards her.
It turns out there is.
Annabeth freezes, and she doesn’t notice when someone runs into her back. Her eyes are glued to the person in front of her. His back is to her, but she’d recognize him anywhere, and now he’s right here, and she can’t think, and—
She tries to move, but her feet are stuck to the ground beneath her. Percy is smiling at one of the people offering him a beaded necklace, and she forgot how much she missed that smile, how much she used to love being the source of that smile. He glances to his left, the opposite direction of where Annabeth is, and he’s laughing now. It’s weird, but she’s missed him, and something in her wants to say his name, to see if he’d recognize her like that.
Annabeth almost does in a lapse of judgment, but then her eyes fall to his hand, which is placed on a girl’s lower back. Her heart drops.
He’s holding someone by the waist, pressing her up into his side, laughing into the top of her hair. She’s pretty from what Annabeth can tell. She’s smiling too, her smile too perfect and white, and her hair is dark and straight. She’s the exact opposite of Annabeth.
Annabeth is about to turn around to leave, but it’s at that moment that Percy looks up. His eyes fall on her, and his smile drops.
“Annabeth?”
She considers pretending she didn’t hear him, but they lock eyes, and that plan goes out the window. He smiles softly, and there’s no way she’s getting away, so she takes a reluctant step towards him.
“I thought it was you,” he says, laughing slightly. He steps towards her too, and his hand slides into the girl’s, bringing her with him. “It’s been so long.”
“Yeah. It’s been a while.” Annabeth can’t look at him. Instead, her eyes are on the girl. She’s smiling sweetly too, and Annabeth hates it. She looks like she just rolled out of bed, and she’s wearing a sweater that she recognizes beneath her coat. She thinks that maybe she did just roll out of bed. His bed. “Um.” She shakes her head. “How are you?”
“I’ve been good.” He’s eyeing her with something unreadable. She glances at their interlocked hands again. He drops her hand. “So you’re doing Christmas shopping?”
“I am,” she says. “I haven’t found anything good yet.”
“Oh, if you keep going down this way, you’ll find tons you like. There’s one with a lot of candles that I think you’d love.”
Annabeth hums. “Thanks.”
Percy stares at her awkwardly. Still, his lips quirk up. “I’m surprised to see you without Piper. You used to hate shopping alone.”
“I still do,” she says. “Piper just ditched me five minutes ago for some warmth.”
“That sounds like Piper,” he muses. “You’re welcome to join us. We’re just walking around a bit looking for something for Estelle.”
Annabeth tilts her head. “You and…?”
Percy starts. He’s still smiling softly, but there’s nerves in his eyes. He motions to the girl beside him. “Annabeth, this is Isla.”
And of course she has a pretty name too. She’s everything Annabeth isn’t, and it makes Annabeth tremble. Her fingertips suddenly feel clammy and tingly. It doesn’t help that Annabeth hadn’t put much effort into her appearance—she’s sure her hair is still a mess, while Isla’s is pristine. A stab of jealousy runs through her.
“Isla,” he continues. “This is my friend, Annabeth.”
Friend.
She’s practically screamed at him that she doesn’t want to be his friend. Not after everything that happened. Still, she thinks she hates this more, being called nothing more than a friend.
They were in love, and now they’re friends.
It’s backwards. That’s not the way it’s supposed to go.
“Yeah,” Annabeth says. “I’m his friend.”
She says it with poison on her tongue. It’s subtle, enough that the girl doesn’t catch it, but Percy does. He knows her too well to not catch it.
Why is she just a friend, though? Percy knows her inside and out, but the thing about being in a relationship for three years is that she knows him too. If he’s calling her a friend, introducing her for the first time, then she’s willing to bet that Isla doesn’t know who she really is. She’s willing to bet Percy doesn’t want her to know who she is.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Isla says sweetly. She doesn’t extend a hand, and Annabeth is glad for that. She is less glad, though, when she loops her arm through Percy’s. “I’m his girlfriend.”
Percy tenses, so slight that no one else notices it. Annabeth does.
“I’ve heard a lot about Percy's friends,” she says. “He’s never mentioned you before.”
It’s not a harsh statement. Annabeth can tell she’s trying to be nice. It’s more than Annabeth would’ve done in her shoes.
“I’m not sure,” Annabeth says. “We haven’t seen each other in a while.”
“It just hasn’t come up,” Percy explains to Annabeth. He’s nervous.
“You should come over sometime,” Isla offers. Her brown eyes gaze into Annabeth’s, warm and homely. “Percy’s been busy with his new job, but I’m sure we can plan something. I’d love to get to know his friends.”
Why is she so nice?
It would be so much easier to hate her if she was nasty, if she was threatened and jealous by the sight of Annabeth, by the thought of Percy being friends with anyone but her.
It’s funny.
Annabeth had done so well pushing him out of his mind, telling herself that she doesn’t need him, or that she doesn’t want him. She’s not sure she still wants him, but she’s realizing she doesn’t want him with anyone else.
Annabeth bites her lip to distract herself from crying. “New job?”
“I mentioned it to you,” Percy says. “It’s that teaching job. I start in the spring semester.”
“That’s so amazing,” Annabeth breathes. “I’m happy for you.”
“Me too,” Isla adds. She rests her chin on Percy’s shoulder. “He’s pretty brilliant. I can’t believe I got lucky enough with him sometimes.”
Annabeth forces a laugh.
They fall into silence. Isla tilts her chin up to look at Percy, but Percy is still looking at Annabeth. There’s something in his eyes—something that she recognizes, knows what it is—but she can’t say it.
She’s naive, thinking that this would have gone away.
f*ck.
So many nights spent crying because she lost him. She’s held onto hope, though, thinking that maybe he would come back. It goes flying out the window today because he’s with someone else. He chose someone else.
Annabeth wants him to choose her.
She knows she shouldn’t. He hurt her. He threw away something that could’ve been fixed. He made decisions for her as though Annabeth was incapable of making them herself. She remembers everything. She remembers choking on her own tears. She remembers the lump in her throat knowing that Percy wants her in his life, just not in the way she wants him. Every ounce of pain, every year tracing down her face—she remembers it all too well.
This is a new hell.
There’s nothing worse than looking at Percy with someone that’s not her, knowing how this ends. It ends in marriage, in kids, until death do them part. Just not with Annabeth.
“Why don’t you come with us?” Percy offers again. “It’ll be fun. I can show you the store I mentioned.”
“I probably shouldn’t,” Annabeth tries. “I have a lot of shopping left, and I’m already going to be out all day.”
It’s a lie. Percy knows it.
“It’s no problem,” Percy says. He turns to Isla. “Can you just give us a second?”
Her eyes dart between him and Annabeth, hesitant. She licks her lips and nods. Annabeth thinks she mentions something about wandering off to a bookstore nearby, but the ringing in her ears is too loud for her to be sure.
She doesn’t give Percy a kiss before leaving, and Annabeth is relieved by that.
When she’s gone, Percy looks back at her. He looks worried.
“Are you okay?”
Annabeth laughs. “I’m alright.”
“How have you been?”
“You can’t ask how I’ve been in front of your girlfriend?”
Percy frowns.
“I’m doing great,” she answers. “Just busy.”
“Are you still working so late you make it home past midnight?” he teases.
“Sometimes,” she says, matching his subtle upturn of the lips. “I have a taser now, though.”
Percy squints playfully. “You mean to tell me you didn’t before?”
She smiles. “I’m not denying that.”
Percy groans. “You’re horrible.”
“I have one now, and that’s all that matters.”
“Good,” Percy says. “I’d hate to have you call me asking me to walk you home because Ethan showed up again.”
“That’s cute,” Annabeth coos before she can stop herself. She can’t bring herself to be embarrassed. Especially when Percy's eyes light up, amused. “You’re assuming I would call you. ”
“I did tell you to call me for anything,” he points out. “That offer still stands.”
Annabeth kicks his foot lightly. “You still care.”
“That was never even a question.”
He’s so genuine in his words. He’s right there in front of her, and she wants to just step into his arms. She wants to feel his embrace again, to feel warm and safe with him.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a bit?” Percy asks. “I don’t mind.”
“I’m not sure she would feel the same way,” Annabeth points out. “Piper’s waiting for me, anyway. I should head back soon enough.”
“It’s a shame.” Percy shifts his stance. He looks away for a moment, up to the sky, and she can see his sharp jawline. It’s the same one she used to kiss at night, tracing until the sun came up. “I’ve missed you.”
Oh god, oh god—
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Maybe we can do something soon?”
It’s exactly what she wants to hear.
She loves him because how can she not? She stood by him, chose him, and he left her. She kept him like an oath, like the most important thing in her life, and…
And he kept her like a secret.
Maybe that means he doesn’t want people to know about her, or maybe it means that he can’t introduce her as his ex because it makes it that much more real.
“I’ve been pretty busy recently,” Annabeth says. “Maybe sometime, though.”
Percy grins. “Great. Just let me know.”
They fall into a natural lull. Percy looks like he’s stressed, like he wants to break down into tears. Annabeth doesn’t doubt that he does, and it crosses her mind that he might have been as miserable as she’s been. She shouldn’t think that, not when there’s someone else involved, but she hopes that it’s true. She wants him here, just for one more minute.
“Oh, and congratulations on your job,” she says. “You’re going to be a great teacher.”
“And you’re already a great architect, from what I’ve heard.”
Annabeth’s brows furrow. “Who told you that?”
He decides not to answer, instead giving her a wink “Don’t worry about it.” He runs his fingers through his hair, and his eyes never leave hers. “I should probably go. I’ll see you around, alright?”
She breathes out, her nose burning from the cold. “Alright.”
“Stay safe,” he says. “People go crazy for those candles.”
Her eyes sparkle. “I will.”
Annabeth watches as he smiles one last time before he disappears into one of the nearby shops. She can see him through the glass, and she catches the kiss that Isla places on his cheek.
She turns away.
For the first time, Annabeth notices that it started to snow. The sun is just barely peeking through a slit in the clouds, and it looks majestic, the way the snow falls. It makes her want to cry. She’s been doing a lot of that recently because as time goes on, she’s beginning to realize she lost her best friend too.
She is going to remember this moment, just as she remembered everything else.
She’s going to remember the first drop of snow, and how it glistened as it fell. The feeling that she isn’t his anymore is engrained in her mind, just as the night dance ring in the refrigerator light is. She’s going to remember the day they got together, the way the autumn leaves swirled around, and she’s going to remember the dread that filled her when they sat in the same park it all began, knowing that three years was coming to an end.
Annabeth remembers every single feeling all too well.
Winter is the bringer of death. The trees are brittle, the air icy. It’s the season of loss and pain, and she knows now that she has lost so much. It’s the opposite of fall, where the sun continues to rise again.
It’s perfect, she has to admit. There is no better time to know that Percy chose someone else than now. She’s stuck in the space between friends and strangers, and she can’t decide which she wants.
Winter freezes over it all.
